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Shy - 8/2/2009 10:43:18 PM
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I have a bf for nine years w/ that span of relationship we had a son..but prior to that I knew that even then he's cheating on me I confronted him w/ this and he always admits it but tells me that those gurls where just nothing that im the one he wants and loves...blah blah...so here I am so stupid believes evrything he said..so up to now were still together but same problem still arises still he's hooking up and flirting with other gurls...now hes working overseas to support our family but lately before he come home here for vacation a gurl he flirted there told me they have an affair and that they have a baby..I confronted him with this but he denies it and that the gurl was just trying to destroy our family??Honestly I wanted to get out n from this relationship but his mom said that I have to it out with him for the sake of our son...what shud i do....
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Janet - 8/2/2009 8:26:28 PM
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It's been 4 years - he's cheated throughout and excuses it by saying that some women are for sex only, others, like me are for marriage..... Some big time bullshit I must say.
The last time was a few months ago when I couldn't meet him during his 10 day leave (yeah, he's in the Army) due to problems with my child and my subsequently breaking my wrist. I nearly lost it, felt terrible and missed him so. But he recovered nicely, first thing he did when he learned I wasn't coming was to go right out and find himself someone else to spend his leave with.
Still he wants to marry me, I'm his dream girl and blah blah blah. I wonder about his motives now. I'm fairly wealthy due to an inheritance and good investments. I think that's why he wants to marry me. Well, it isn't going to happen. None of it. Since when he tells me I'm the most beautiful, sexiest woman he's ever known, I just think to myself, "words are words, and actions speak louder than words".
I've got too much going for me to waste time on marrying a man to whom cheating comes as naturally as breathing and who has an excuse for every incident - said excuse usually lays the blame at my feet, not his. I'm no angel, I can be temperamental. But, I've always been good to him, and have never considered "revenge cheating" as a means to get back at him for all the stupid lies he's told and continues to tell (he's still out there, looking around, even though we're supposed to be back together and are planning a future, one that includes our having children - heh, THAT'LL be the day!)
So, I advise: Stop all the angst and wondering, face the reality and move on.
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andrew - 8/2/2009 8:34:04 AM
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Ladies here's a man's POV: affairs are (typically) a symptom of the problem, not the source. But to make it work after, the cheater must truly want to change and work it out with you - someone who cheats once will most likely cheat again, sorry. It's a character flaw. My soon-to-be Ex-wife had her 1st affair 1 year into our marriage, then we had a baby girl (yes it's mine), then 2 years later (5 months ago) she took our daughter and split. She didn't admit to her current affair, I found out. Whether to stay or not? You must get to a place of 'detachment' where ego and pride and anger do not exist, and discover your personal truth: "Can I forgive and trust again and move forward? Is s/he worth it?" In my case, I love my daughter and wife so much I was willing to forgive and move forward - but she refuses to work it out. Now for the rest of my life I can look my daughter in the eye and honestly say "I gave it everything I had trying to save our marriage and family." Bottom line: One affair can be forgiven. Any more than one - it's DONE. Get out. As quick as you can...
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EBUDE - 8/2/2009 12:18:38 AM
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MOST WOMEN WHO SAY THEY ARE TOLERATING A CHEATING MAN I THINK SOME OF THEM HAVE GOT HIDDEN AGENDA. IF U TRULLY LOVE A MAN WHETHER HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND N U KNOW HE IS CHEATING I BET U ITS NOT EASY TO ACCEPT IT EVEN IF HE APOLOGIZES , THE CHANCES ARE THAT HE STILL SEES THE WOMAN .THE MOST LIKELY THING SUCH WOMAN DO IS GET A PARTNER OUT THERE TO HEAL THE PAIN.I AM OF THE OPINION THAT ANYTHING THAT U DO AND IT N DOES NOT DISTURB UR CONSCIENCE THEN KEEP ON
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Dee - 7/31/2009 4:40:01 PM
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When a cheater cheats he/she is not going to stop. This is the ulgy truth. So, if you want something that is not in your relatioship,get out! If chidren are envoled it means a struggle with money and security but yu are already dealing with that because of what is being spent on the outside with the new partner. Staying with the cheater is teaching your children the wrong type of love and commiment. It is not easy, but for yiur peace of mind GET OUT!!! You can and will be the better for it.
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Bentje - 7/30/2009 6:14:21 PM
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What do you think when your significant other was a friend first? And it involved sexual touching while still being "just friends?" What do you make of a new female friend who spends more time with your s.o. than you?
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freedom - 7/30/2009 4:42:12 PM
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Andrea please wake up out of that stupid delusional way of thinking...this is 2009 and women are stronger and have more going for them...my husband thinks that he's fooling me...pleeeeease..i have always put money aside and prepared myself just in case....get over..nothing in the vows as to being a fool
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wendy - 7/30/2009 1:39:05 PM
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Denise, I have kissed the guy i met and he brought back an old feeling i havent had for a very long time. I really like this guy and he really likes me. But i guess after all the crap my husband has pput me through i really dont want another relationship for a long time. I love my Husband but i feel like it just isnt there between us anymore. i want to try to start over with him but i dont know if he will change or if it will change my feelings for him. Im confused right now with stuff happening time after time!
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denise - 7/30/2009 12:34:06 PM
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Wendy, I can say that I understand where you are coming from. My husband says he never cheated on me, I never caught him physically cheating but have cuaght him talking to other women who wanted more than friendship and made that clear. I don't know but after the last time my heart was broken I put up a wall and closed my heart to him. I recently met someone else and he found out and I told him I have only talked to him but I don't have the courage to tell him that he kissed me. What I am trying to say is that even though I care about him I'm not emotionally here with him and feel like I should just move on. Sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy. It will be hard because we have been married for 8 years as well. I stayed this many years for our two children. I wish I could pull myself together and tell him everything because I know that he will eventually find out everything because I am attached to the other guy emotionallly and I am not sure if I am strong enough to stop seeing him.
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denise - 7/30/2009 12:33:42 PM
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Wendy, I can say that I understand where you are coming from. My husband says he never cheated on me, I never caught him physically cheating but have cuaght him talking to other women who wanted more than friendship and made that clear. I don't know but after the last time my heart was broken I put up a wall and closed my heart to him. I recently met someone else and he found out and I told him I have only talked to him but I don't have the courage to tell him that he kissed me. What I am trying to say is that even though I care about him I'm not emotionally here with him and feel like I should just move on. Sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy. It will be hard because we have been married for 8 years as well. I stayed this many years for our two children. I wish I could pull myself together and tell him everything because I know that he will eventually find out everything because I am attached to the other guy emotionallly and I am not sure if I am strong enough to stop seeing him.
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